Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Finale


  It feels like only yesterday that I was cursing myself for agreeing to view every episode of the Bachelor in Paradise. And now that we have reached the grand finale, I can safely say my initial reluctance was entirely justified; but, nevertheless, here we are at the finish line. And what a race it’s been: hearts have been broken, friendships crumbled into dust, cheese scoffed down by the wheel and all for this moment. Get ready for the epic finale that is episode sixteen. We open with the gruesome visage of Osher breaking down the mechanics of the finale:… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: The Bachelor in Paradise Episode Fifteen


  This is it, ladies and gentlemen, or very nearly almost it: the penultimate Bachelor in Paradise. So down some stay alert capsules and strap yourselves in for the semi-thrilling semi-conclusion that is episode fifteen. Fair warning on this one: the vast majority of it is flashbacks so you’re probably better off re-reading the old recaps instead. We open with Jarrod and Keira moseying down towards the sea shore. What looks like ritual suicide is revealed to be the final date: a ride on a yacht full of champagne and cheese. They reflect on the tumultuous series of events that… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Fourteen


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Today we make Bachelor history, ladies and gentlemen, by bearing witness to what is, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the dullest episode of Paradise thus far: episode fourteen. And while some of its more unbearable moments may have more to do with my unfortunate sobriety than anything else, you… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Thirteen


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   We’re on the home stretch, ladies and gentlemen. A little bird (Osher) has told me that this is the final week of Paradise. But don’t go popping your champagne just yet, we still have to trudge our way through the few remaining episodes of this sad charade. And on that… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Twelve


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to our ongoing series of essays dissecting the hidden meaning behind paradise. We’re at episode twelve now and I am starting to feel my sanity slip from gazing too long into the abyss. But I continue to march on, heroically saving you from having to… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Eleven


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid to say that, having returned late from Bell Shakespeare’s wonderful rendition of Antony and Cleopatra, I am unable to do a full re-cap of misfits in Paradise and we must make do for a special abridged re-cap of episode eleven. With the disclaimer out… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Ten


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Here we are, ladies and gentlemen, at the precipice of madness: episode ten. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think we’d make it this far. I was under the impression that someone was going to come along and mercifully shoot me before we got to this point but oh well,… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: The Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Nine


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Our Bachelor recaps reap on, ladies and gentlemen. And with so much quality content waiting to be dissected, why don’t we just dive right in to the gaping maw of The Bachelor in Paradise: episode nine? We open by surveying the damages done in the wake of last episode’s rose… Continue Reading