Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Ten


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Here we are, ladies and gentlemen, at the precipice of madness: episode ten. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think we’d make it this far. I was under the impression that someone was going to come along and mercifully shoot me before we got to this point but oh well,… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: The Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Nine


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Our Bachelor recaps reap on, ladies and gentlemen. And with so much quality content waiting to be dissected, why don’t we just dive right in to the gaping maw of The Bachelor in Paradise: episode nine? We open by surveying the damages done in the wake of last episode’s rose… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Eight


Edit   Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   I hope you’re ready, ladies and gentlemen, because this is the big one (yes, another big one). This is the one that will shake Paradise to its core (yes, again). This is the Bachelor in Paradise: episode eight. We open as everyone is scratching their heads over the sudden… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Seven


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   The rapid fire onslaught of vapid drama continues, with barely enough time for me to fortify my spirits with gin. But fret not, ladies and gentlemen; my spirits have been thoroughly barricaded and I am bravely marching on, into the cavernous abyss of banality that is episode seven. We open… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Six


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   The Gods are cruel, ladies and gentlemen. When I said the show would continue Tuesday and Wednesday, I did not take into account its continuing on Monday. Maybe I was lying, maybe I was under-informed, maybe I was in denial; either way, duty calls. So without further ado: let’s dig… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Five


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   How the days run away; I feel as though no time has passed at all since I was last here. But, just as the grim spectre of death claims us all, so too does The Bachelor claim me: slowly (oh, God, so slowly) dragging me down into the icy circles… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Four


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. This is the big one. This is the one that will ‘change Bachelor history forever’. And about time, I say; after the joyless torment that was episode three I could use some excitement. But will there be blood? All signs point to yes as… Continue Reading

Leiden Recaps: Bachelor in Paradise Australia Episode Three


  Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.   Our journey deep into the terrible heart of paradise continues as we open with some scattered shots of the specimens chatting, and of Florence glowering; all is well after the tumult of last episode’s elimination… or so it seems. This idyllic display is quickly shattered by the arrival of the… Continue Reading