The art of being a sugar baby is on the rise, which is no real surprise when you consider the rise of rental and housing prices, university fees, living expenses and the desire to live an Instagram perfect life with little work behind it.
For those who don’t know what being a sugar baby entails, a sugar baby is someone who engages in a platonic, romantic or sexual relationship in exchange for favours, money or expensive gifts. The sugar daddy or mommy in this contractual engagement are usually older and wealthy and tend to either be too busy to engage in the rigorous passages of dating, travel often or have an open arrangement with partners. The gifts and financial promises are usually very high end and you can even make up to $1,500 a night, so it’s an easy way to get your hands on some cold hard cash in a hurry.
I always considered being a sugar baby, and my friend and I would regularly discuss the idea, but I never thought that I would ever in the world actually do it.
I’m not the type of person who likes to accept things from other people. Sure, I love getting presents but I hate letting other people buy me drinks in bars or shout me certain things. When they insist, it is usually polite to allow them to but I am very much so independent in my way of treating myself on items of value and want.
But I found myself at a bit of a cross-roads. Romantically, I just wasn’t getting anywhere. I’d be ghosted constantly, dumped by a man who hadn’t wanted to be exclusive but was happy to be exclusive when someone else came along and I just felt like I wasn’t being treated right. People wanted my body, but they didn’t want to bother going on dates with me or treat me well enough to get it.
So the idea of a sugar daddy became more appealing after I read an article about a university student in my own hometown who was a sugar baby. This girl was treated to dinners and dates and nice romantic outings that I craved so much — and she was given free holidays and cash to do it. She made $1,000 sending two sexy selfies to a man when I give them out like candy to anyone that asks
Like, seriously, I’m probably on a porn website somewhere with the amount of nudity I have sent out in the form of pictures.
So while I could also use the romantic nights out, I also could really use the cash. I was almost $10,000 in debt from my divorce. I could afford my pretty well-off lifestyle, but not enough to pay off my credit cards and save for holidays I wanted to go on. I was working two jobs and had a roommate paying half my rent, but I wanted to be making it on my own
I then realised that I had actually probably been a bit of sugar baby before without realising it. In an old office job I had it seems I had picked up the affections of a man in an office next door. He was almost ten years my senior and he was lovely but I just wasn’t attracted to him. However, he constantly bought me coffees most mornings and my favourite alcohol on after work drink nights and he took me to an expensive cocktail lounge one Friday night and bestowed many cocktails on me. He took me to lunches and I greatly accepted, unsure of how to say no but also in need of a cocktail.
So technically I had be doing this sugar babying already — albeit unintentionally.
So I decided to give it a go. If it didn’t work out, fine. No love would be lost! So I signed up for an agency that had been advertised to me and started shopping around. I changed my profiles accordingly, added photos and what I was looking for and was surprised to discover some very attractive men close to my age on the site.
This might be easier than I thought!
After a while I started striking up a few conversations with people. I was offered $1500 for one night of dinner and drinks and many people asked for arrangements straight away. People invited me shopping and everyone told me how beautiful I was. Eventually, I found someone who I was comfortable becoming my sugar daddy. He was fifteen years older than me, but we hit it off with eloquent conversation right away
Initially, I was nervous to start talking about money — to start being selfish and take what I wanted. But I started to enjoy the attention — I was finally being treated like the queen I deserved to be treated as. My sugar daddy was so polite and our conversations were of a very get-to-know and enjoyable nature. Eventually, he asked me what I was after and I told him the truth — while monetary gain was an added benefit I was after being treated with respect, which is what has been missing in my relationships.
Apparently, I was saying all the right things because he told me that it made me more attractive and that he wanted to spoil me more.
He was very understanding as well of my ‘new baby’ nature and he agreed to meet me for coffee first before we started dating. I decided to approach this meet up as genuinely as possible and offered for him not to have to pay for my company for coffee.
Yes, I did hope that would gain me some (materialistic) favour. He had agreed to help establish my lingerie collection after all.
So we met up the top of a mountain and had an hour’s discussion about ourselves and what he was after. He was very interested, and very nice to me, and I could see us having a good first date or so.
But over that weekend everything changed
I went on a girl’s weekend with my friend and we ended up at a strip club at 2am. It was awesome to be there amongst some sexy and empowering women on stage, but it was there that drunk me was asked to have sex with a man who was probably about the same age as my father and not in the least bit attractive. Not really into it, and thinking he wouldn’t accept it anyway, I told him my going rate was $1,500 which he refused to pay. This was what I had previously been offered so it seemed appropriate. He suggested $500 and I told him $1,000 would be the lowest I would go. He wouldn’t take it and I’m glad that he didn’t
As my friend and I walked away from the strip club I suddenly felt really dirty. What if I had gone home with him? The grey area between sex worker and sugar baby suddenly became a bit greyer and I realised that if I had gone home with him it would 100% make me a prostitute, which was not something I wanted to be. Sure, I’ve had sex with people who have been questionable the next morning but they had at least taken me on dates and there had been some charm there. It felt like I was removing my standards in the hopes of buying myself respect and I realised it wasn’t the way to go about it.
The next day I decided I was no longer comfortable being a sugar baby. I hadn’t gone far enough into the sugar soda-flavoured waters to have done anything I couldn’t have lived with yet — so far all I had done was talked to some very nice people and shared a sexy photo or two. Besides, I was proud that everything I had accomplished, had done, and had worked so hard to achieve had been done by me. I had worked hard to get to where I am — I hadn’t taken any handouts or free rides along the way.
It just wasn’t in my nature.
So I closed down my site on the sugar baby account and told all the potential daddies I was talking to that I would no longer be selling my body.
And just like that, l was back in control. I still think about going back sometimes — especially when my credit card debt looms over my head — and have reactivated my account just to flirt on the edge a little bit but I haven’t gone back in yet. Life feels a little bit sweeter because it’s up to me.