Rather than watching all my old favourites such as Muppet Christmas Carol and Home Alone, I have switched things up this Christmas and have instead watched all the trash movies on Netflix. Just in case you feel disposed to do the same, here are my recommendations.
A Christmas Prince
The trash movie that started it all. Chances are you have seen it already so I don’t need to give you the hard sell but here it is just in case. Our blondish heroine is a serious journalist writing for a crap online tabloid who goes undercover in Aldovia to uncover dirt on the royal family. Hijinks ensue and, what do you know, she falls in love with the prince.
A Christmas Prince The Royal Wedding
In the highly anticipated sequel to A Christmas Prince our blogger/future royal Amber returns to Aldovia to prepare for the royal wedding. Between larking about with her friends and hiding from her wedding planner, Amber finds time to stick her nose in everyone’s business under the guise of being an ‘investigative journalist.’ Despite spending a grand total of five minutes together throughout the entire movie, our happy couple somehow manage to find time to tie the knot.
A Christmas Inheritance
In this addition to the classic party-girl-learns-an-important-life-lesson-and-then-grows-up genre, a party girl learns a life lesson and then grows up. The difference here is that she learns that life lesson at Christmas.
The Spirit of Christmas
Can true love bring a hundred year old ghost back to life? With the magic of Christmas you bet it can. In this improbable tale some kind of lawyer lady has to stay at an old house at Christmas where she discovers an attractive ghost who she promptly falls in love with.
A Holiday Engagement
Ashamed of her single status, a blonde girl decides to hire an actor to play her fiance for Christmas. With so much pretending to be in love going on they really do fall in love and live happily ever after.
The Princess Switch
When I first saw that Vanessa Hudgens was starring in 2018’s Netflix Christmas blockbuster I immediately thought her career prospects had taken a turn for the worse. But after some consideration, I realised that if Netflix ever asked me to star in one of its terrible Christmas movies I would also give an emphatic yes, so I forgave Vanessa her transgression. This movie is Parent Trap meets The Holiday without any of the actual Nancy Meyers magic.
A Wish for Christmas
There are two good things about this movie. One: It stars Gretchen Weiner. Two: The plot gives more attention to Gretchen learning to stick up for herself rather than continue life as a people-pleasing doormat than it does her love affair with her Christmas-hating boss.
The Holiday Calendar
When idly scrolling through the Christmas movies on offer, this was the one I was most excited to see. There was just something about the picture that screamed ‘you will love this!’. As the name of the film suggests, the plot revolves around a magical advent calendar given to our plucky protagonist by her grandfather who is played by a man who can’t act for shit. Hijinks ensue, eventually resulting in true love.
Christmas Wedding Planner
Apart from this movie taking place in the month of December it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. The plot is ridiculous, the dialogue even more so but there is still something heartwarming about one girl’s earnest attempt to run a successful wedding planning business despite the sinister machinations of a private investigator.
Christmas with a View
This movie was pure garbage. And not even in a so bad its good way. Just a real bad way. Like Christmas Wedding Planner the fact that it is Christmas is completely incidental. Nevertheless you should watch it for the poor camera work and awkward cooking scenes.
Merry Kissmas is all about a pretty blonde girl who is engaged to a famous douche bag. She then meets a cute baker guy who likes dogs and finds herself in a predicament. There is one shining moment of brilliance in this otherwise drab film and that is a fabulous breakup scene.
Angel of Christmas
This movie is just awful. It’s easily the worst of all the movies on this list. A tightly wound newspaper woman (blonde) dreams of being a writer but in order to succeed she must discover her inner Christmas spirit and do some research about a wooden angel statue.
Once Upon a Holiday
This terrible movie lifted the plot from Roman Holiday and dumped it in New York. Our brunette(!) princess sneaks off for a day of normal living with a very bland looking builder/electrician/handyman. The fact that it is Christmas is once again incidental to the plot.