Who better to review the orgiastic display that is the Bachelor in Paradise Australia than someone who has never watched a single episode of the Bachelor or Bachelorette. Here to recap all the subtle intricacies of finding ‘true love’ on reality television is Leiden’s copy editor Jesse Petrie.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid to say that, having returned late from Bell Shakespeare’s wonderful rendition of Antony and Cleopatra, I am unable to do a full re-cap of misfits in Paradise and we must make do for a special abridged re-cap of episode eleven. With the disclaimer out of the way, lets dig in.
Elora has suffered brain damage and now seems cool with Eden and his sociopathic behaviour from the previous episode, though she may be planning to stab him once his guard is down as she reminds us that she won’t forget or forgive.
Two new girls walk in: Sasha, who thinks eating foliage makes her interesting; and Rachel, who confesses that the only way men will endure her is when they physically unable to leave her company. Keira continues to pursue her new career as camp councillor and tries to force American Jared and Rachel together.
Apollo brings in the new date card, which goes to Keira, who goes to Jarrod. The date involves a game of touch football with local children, which I’m pretty sure constitutes child abuse. Jarrod wisely recommends the children avoid the scary dragon lady at all costs, which results in everyone having a splendid time. Jarrod confesses that he has fallen in love with Keira, who responds by confessing that she really really likes him.
Women continue to throw themselves at Apollo, further stoking the fires of jealous rage in Simone, who seems ready to commit murder suicide if that’s what it takes for her and Apollo to be together. Osher comes in to put a stop to this entertainment before it can happen, taking Megan with him as he recedes back into the forest.
Osher does a civil disservice and elongates the show’s run by bringing Thomas back for that date he never got with Megan. The date begins and Megan spends the entire time over-justifying her lack of love for Jake and nowhere near enough time justifying her inexplicable attraction to Thomas. The date ends up in to ocean and they eventually kiss, a scene which some of you will recognise as the promo for Megan’s ‘gay’ kiss.
Things are heating up between American Jared and Rachel as the two have a ‘deep’ conversation about kids before making out in front of an outraged Leah. American Jared tries to dump Leah, citing their lack of conversation as the key reasoning. Leah ropes him back in by claiming that they have something special and that she needs him; she then turns to the camera and confesses that she only needs him to give her roses while she waits for something better.
As I finish up tonight’s re-cap I am left thankful to have received some genuine entertainment this evening. They really pulled out all the stops tonight and I highly recommend that you all go see Antony and Cleopatra before the run is over. Learn more about the show and its eponymous lovers by reading our interview with Ray Chong Nee (Enobarbus) here.
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